i want to throw up

man, I feel so effin sick to my stomach right now. Tonight I decided on a "last night binge" of sorts as tomorrow when I wake up I'm attempting a fresh start at a healthy lifestyle. My fella, our roommate and I got TGIFridays and then capped it off with coldstone creamery for dessert. I just finished my last bites of the coldstone about 35 minutes ago and I can't tell you how ridiculously awful I feel. AWEFUL. This was sooo not worth it. And man oh man if I could just bottle up this feeling, I would be one skinny bitch. How genius would that be? Seriously... think about it. like, the spray bottles we use to spray water on our kitties when they jump on the counter, or when our dogs are on the couch?? if we could just spray this gross awful stomach turning bloated regret-filled feeling in our faces whenever we are feeling like a binge, and then all of a sudden remember this without having to go through the process of eating to get to that point?! ohhhhh man....... but let’s face it, I’ll wake up feeling fine in the morning and within days be craving what I can’t have again. Then again I shouldn’t say "cant"... rather I "shouldn’t" have, as it's all about making better choices.

Over the years I’ve been a weight yoyo. I’ve gained. I’ve lost. I’ve found again. repeat multiple times. tomorrow is going to be my next stab at a healthier lifestyle.

My project for the next week is to not only journal everything I eat, but to take photos of each meal so that at the end of the day, and the end of the week I can look back and truly see everything i'm eating. it’s going to be challenging and a little sobering but I’m anxious to get it going.

and tomorrow marks the back to the gym routine for me as well. I was going 5-6 days a week for a solid month and a half before vacation... but then we were gone 2 weeks on vacation and then the 2 weeks since we have been back I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of real life again.

but. tomorrow. there are no more excuses.

on New Year ’s Eve this year I was in toledo with my best friends... and after the ball dropped I made a promise to myself.... and that promise was to compete in a triathlon this year. I’m not exactly positive when in my mind I began getting interested in them, but after reading the book Slow, Fat Triathlete last summer the fire was light inside me.

so, although I’ve had a minor slip, I’m ready to get back on the ball. and I’m excited to wake up in the morning with a refreshed, renewed sense of self... and get back into that gym as if we were never apart. I know the food is going to be a challenge for me, but let’s face it... I proved to myself that if I don't hold myself accountable by keeping food journals, then I let my sweet tooth run away with my dreams of a skinnier, healthier, happier me.

7 weeks and 2 days until the Triceratops Triathlon.

Bring it.